I had only 1 New Year’s resolution for 2012: to delete my FB account. I’ve never been so relieved to get rid of a toxic burden. And here are the reasons why.
Cryptic comments
Let’s start with irritating cryptic one-liners like Spending the night with a hot bod? I’d spend hours trying to decipher them. Was it that my friend found someone new? Had the marriage broken down? What of the children? Imagine the anti-climax when she said, “Oh, no. We bought a new car and took it for a spin.”
Birthday wishes
On birthdays, I’d be privy to photos, gifts and romantic gestures played out ad nauseum. There were statements like I’m so lucky. I have the best husband/wife in the world. And, in less than a minute, the wife/husband would reply, complete with little kisses and hearts in the status updates. Horror of horrors, they’re sitting next to each other during this ‘exchange’. Is there nothing private anymore?
In my naiveté, I once told a friend who had over 200 birthday wishes how lucky she was. Her reply was, “Aneeta, these are the people who just wish. They’re not really my friends.” Huh?
Useless arguments
I’ve only engaged in one ‘argument’ on FB and, as I confessed to my best friend, it was because I had nothing better to do that night. The thing is, if I want another dachshund and a pet shop or breeder are my only options, I’ll still choose them. Insisting that other dogs will be put down isn’t going to make me feel any guiltier. Don’t lecture me about where to get my pets, thank you very much! Instead, I would be less antagonised if people campaigned for laws allowing flat-dwellers to keep pets.
To advance my business
How?
When my book was published, 1 friend bought the book. Just 1.
And don’t think I didn’t go out of my way to support my FB friends. I have shared my expertise in writing and editing for free. I’ve bought books by other authors and even offered them free publicity on my site.
What did I get in return? A few ‘likes’ for my articles and lots of heartache. One friend-of-a-friend maligned me and my work without having ever read my books or met me. Then there was the time I introduced a client to a friend only for the friend to be hostile towards us both because my timing was off and she wasn’t prepared for the spontaneous ‘meeting’.
Friends?
When I joined FB (must have been about two years ago), I was excited to get in touch with friends from school. Some had matured beyond my expectations: for instance, 2 who hated each other because one stole the other’s boyfriend were now sharing jokes.
Slowly, though, the hypocrisy emerged: on FB, the girls praised each other no end to the point of supporting one another’s disrespect for elders. But, when I met them in person, they confessed that they didn’t really like the girls they’d praised and also thought the criticism made of families was too much. Why, then, dishonestly support such callous statements in the first place? Why praise when you despise them so?
Although everyone else warned me about one girl, I ended up admiring her enormously because she said what all the others thought like, ‘Wah! You so lucky,’ ‘OMG. You’re so thin,’ ‘Your house so big one. You’re loaded.’ And it was unadulterated entertainment to read how the recipients of such comments justified their expenditure.
Am I jealous of these people? Not at all. They come across as selfish and their sole aim seems to be self-aggrandizement. Clearly, nothing has changed since school. What I envy is their ability to show off shamelessly without censor.
There has been some good being on FB – I was sure a friend would be in town to receive the flowers I sent her for her birthday. I learned about an engagement before we were officially told about the union. I saw pictures of holiday destinations I’d never been to like Maldives, Hong Kong, South Africa and Mexico.
There’s an old Tamil saying – on your deathbed, if you have 4 people you can call your friends, then you die happy. When I die, I doubt that my 4 friends will come from FB. So, deleting my FB account has been worthwhile and social networking be damned.
4 comments:
In my experience, Aneeta, the word "friends' on FB in most cases really means "acquaintances". I'd say 98 or 99% of the "friends" I have on FB are that. FB is a way I have of keeping in touch with writers I know, touching base on social issues that are important to me, and finding out what other people are thinking. I find that I'm much more likely to keep in touch with out-of-town friends via Skype of Apple's FaceTime app. But with FB, we can't take the "friends" thing literally. I pick out the comments that appeal to me, and ignore the rest, and only leave comments or going arguments because a particular one interests me.
Re promoting books? I have an author site on FB, but have no idea how much of a contribution it makes to promoting my books. I use it as a place to post what I'm working on & so forth.
Why do I use it at all, Aneeta? The biggest disadvantage I have as an American writer living in Japan is that I have no other way to promote my books to people in the US, other than through Amazon's various sites, through FB and Twitter and emails which, after the 1st two, become nuisances. And through my website.
I also promote my books through Linkedin and other social networking sites and other online resources, such as the online magazine SWI, Again, I have no idea how effective that is, other than I have sold a few copies of my books.
And, yes, once in a while someone will attack you; happens to me when I review books, & some of the attacks are personal (i.e,, "You're an idiot!" -- usually makes me laugh).
Sometimes when I'm trolling through my FB page, I'm not sure why I bother; sometimes I don't.
George, thank you for your comments. Everything you say makes sense. The difference with me, I suppose, is that I tried 'swithcing off' from FB from time to time. But I found I couldn't. It was affecting me in such a negative way that I realised I was a much better person without it. So, yeah, got rid of it. No regrets.
Hi Aneeta,
Greetings.
I am on FB though don't use it much. I feel FB is okay if you don't take it too seriously. Sometimes I receive messages from friends on FB who have no other way to contact me.
Ciao,
Rohi
that was precisely the problem, rohi - I did take seriously and it was just too much.
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