3 Funny names in 1 week.

Day 1

I am in the midst of helping a non-profit organisation create their website. One of my tasks last week was to contact a merchant account and work out compliance issues. When I called the company, I had to wait a long while before I could speak with an officer. By that time, I was a little fed-up, tetchy and frustrated. I just wanted to get the whole thing sorted out. When I asked for the lady’s name (so that I could refer to our conversation in subsequent correspondence), she replied. “Eleven”.

I thought of asking her to repeat her name. I knew that if I laughed at her it would have been both embarrassing for her and terrible on my part. Instead, I asked her, “As in the number eleven?” She said yes.

I tell you ... the number of questions that went through my mind in the next few moments ... Did she have 10 brothers and sisters? Based in Shanghai, was this a direct translation of her Chinese name? Was 11 her lucky number? Was she named after a district or suburb? Or, was it meant to be 1 and 1 (like Mei Mei or Lai Lai,)? Was she born in the 11^th year of the Chinese calendar (i.e. in the year of the dog)? [http://chineseculture.about.com/od/chinesefestivals/a/Chinese-Zodiac-Sign-Find-Your-Chinese-Zodiac-Sign.htm]

It certainly lightened my mood and I was more ready to do business with her.

Day 2

I know people who have given their cars names like Jemimah and Hope. I’m no different for I named my dog Ladoo. All these odd names, however, are not related to humans. I would assume that most parents would choose names that are unlikely to subject their babies to ridicule. That is until I chanced upon a website that listed some of the strangest celebrity baby names: Kal-El, Pilot Inspektor, Apple, Kyd, Sage Moonblood, Ocean, River, Rocket, Audio Science, Diva Thin Muffin, Moxie Crimefighter, Tu and Jermajesty. 

All of these, however, couldn’t beat the name a woman gave her new born child: Papaya. I wonder the child’s nick name will be.  Paps? Papi? Pi? Paw-paw?

Day 5

As I read yesterday’s Life and Times section in the NST, I across Elaine Yim’s lovely article, Blooms of prosperity . One of the plants she mentioned was called Solanum Mammosum.

It is the common names for this plant that are most amusing: Nipple fruit, titty fruit, cow’s udders, Apple of Sodom.

Titty fruit?

My week’s complete.

Deleting My Facebook Account: A Narrow Escape

I had only 1 New Year’s resolution for 2012: to delete my FB account. I’ve never been so relieved to get rid of a toxic burden. And here are the reasons why.

Cryptic comments

Let’s start with irritating cryptic one-liners like Spending the night with a hot bod? I’d spend hours trying to decipher them. Was it that my friend found someone new? Had the marriage broken down? What of the children? Imagine the anti-climax when she said, “Oh, no. We bought a new car and took it for a spin.”

Birthday wishes

On birthdays, I’d be privy to photos, gifts and romantic gestures played out ad nauseum. There were statements like I’m so lucky. I have the best husband/wife in the world. And, in less than a minute, the wife/husband would reply, complete with little kisses and hearts in the status updates. Horror of horrors, they’re sitting next to each other during this ‘exchange’. Is there nothing private anymore?

In my naiveté, I once told a friend who had over 200 birthday wishes how lucky she was. Her reply was, “Aneeta, these are the people who just wish. They’re not really my friends.” Huh?

Useless arguments

I’ve only engaged in one ‘argument’ on FB and, as I confessed to my best friend, it was because I had nothing better to do that night. The thing is, if I want another dachshund and a pet shop or breeder are my only options, I’ll still choose them. Insisting that other dogs will be put down isn’t going to make me feel any guiltier. Don’t lecture me about where to get my pets, thank you very much! Instead, I would be less antagonised if people campaigned for laws allowing flat-dwellers to keep pets.

To advance my business

How?

When my book was published, 1 friend bought the book. Just 1.

And don’t think I didn’t go out of my way to support my FB friends. I have shared my expertise in writing and editing for free. I’ve bought books by other authors and even offered them free publicity on my site.

What did I get in return? A few ‘likes’ for my articles and lots of heartache. One friend-of-a-friend maligned me and my work without having ever read my books or met me. Then there was the time I introduced a client to a friend only for the friend to be hostile towards us both because my timing was off and she wasn’t prepared for the spontaneous ‘meeting’.

Friends?

When I joined FB (must have been about two years ago), I was excited to get in touch with friends from school. Some had matured beyond my expectations: for instance, 2 who hated each other because one stole the other’s boyfriend were now sharing jokes.

Slowly, though, the hypocrisy emerged: on FB, the girls praised each other no end to the point of supporting one another’s disrespect for elders. But, when I met them in person, they confessed that they didn’t really like the girls they’d praised and also thought the criticism made of families was too much. Why, then, dishonestly support such callous statements in the first place? Why praise when you despise them so?

Although everyone else warned me about one girl, I ended up admiring her enormously because she said what all the others thought like, ‘Wah! You so lucky,’ ‘OMG. You’re so thin,’ ‘Your house so big one. You’re loaded.’ And it was unadulterated entertainment to read how the recipients of such comments justified their expenditure. 

Am I jealous of these people? Not at all. They come across as selfish and their sole aim seems to be self-aggrandizement. Clearly, nothing has changed since school. What I envy is their ability to show off shamelessly without censor.  

There has been some good being on FB – I was sure a friend would be in town to receive the flowers I sent her for her birthday. I learned about an engagement before we were officially told about the union. I saw pictures of holiday destinations I’d never been to like Maldives, Hong Kong, South Africa and Mexico.

There’s an old Tamil saying – on your deathbed, if you have 4 people you can call your friends, then you die happy. When I die, I doubt that my 4 friends will come from FB. So, deleting my FB account has been worthwhile and social networking be damned.